Thursday, 5 April 2012

The Greatest Living Englishmen

Part 2

Here we are there is a winner and what a winner ,now don’t cheat and see who is number 1 give the rest there fair chance, we have a veritable rogues gallery to get thru before we reach the undisputed winner, with more than 90% of the votes (if I had polled it and not just decided arbitrarily) My list my rules and with that we are at number 5

John Terry

If we could include family members John Terry would be easily in the top three, he comes from a family that would shame the Jeremy Kyle show, but sadly this is all marked on his own merits, and many there are ,as an England and Chelsea captain he is undoubtedly a brilliant defender, this is not the greatness we seek, he could play at any club he wanted and be there best defender, this is still nothing to merit his place on this list,1 achievement alone stands as a beacon of light in this dark world of ours, to shag your best friends woman is so totally brilliant its beyond legend, he could have any bimbo he wanted yet chooses the lazy option ,this alone stands him out from the crowd

Number 4: Brian Blessed

If your unaware just how brilliant this man is the Google him I could write 5000 words and not get close, he has seen, done and appeared in more things than all of us mere mortals combined, and done it all while being totally bonkers, he will no doubt always be remembered for a silly catchphrase from a very poor film “Gordons Alive” yet this is just the tip of this mans greatness. He is the only man I would love to have as my grandfather, he is the only famous person I follow on Twitter as he is the only famous person who is actually not a scripted Muppet. Brian please adopt me.

Number 3: You

Every person everywhere has a moment of greatness some so great they make the news, some go entirely unnoticed, who reading this has not got a cup into a bin from 30 feet, or got away with mugging an old lady (kidding) my point is we all do great things every day we all find small moments we wish the world could have seen, this is why we are Great Britain not ok Britain we have greatness in our history and are lives ,we are fortunate enough to be born in a country that punches above its weight and lets be honest here who would ever want to be born anywhere else

Number 2: Chris Clifford

Only my failure to impregnate a spice girl, that's robbed me of top spot. My list my rules, you read this, surely that is enough to warrant a place in the list? So readers tutt, moan, and call me a wanker if you want, I am still greater than you.

Number 1: Ashley Cole

There it is the number 1, how I can hear you scream he is a tosser? I agree, he is a scumbag again no argument from me, he is the reason we all hate footballer excess, his nickname is Cashley, all the points I take but he is the one person who does what we all secretly dream of doing, he shags and ditches northern racist, he plays football for a living, he drives flash cars, has untold girlfriends. But 1 thing he did, is the 1 thing at some point every working man or woman has only dreamed of doing something that alone would make him number:1

He placed an Air Riffle in his car, he took said riffle out, and took it into his workplace, he then shot someone, who has not dreamed of gunning someone down at work, but being Ashley he got away with it and is still a top premiership player. Anyone other profession and instant sacking and possibly a court appearance, Ashley does what we can only dream of doing

As always all comments will be ignored but feel free to make them if you must  x

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