Monday, 24 October 2011

Man Law Part 2

Man law (Part 2)

So, you’re half way through your education.  You’re feeling good, women are noticing you and finding you way more interesting.  You could stop now, you would still be a far better man than you were, but a real man needs to finish the final five steps to achieve Mantopia. It’s hard as it gets and getting progressively harder. And so we begin, with number five.

Man Law Number 5
Meat. Nothing at all can replace meat from a man’s diet.   Salad is a garnish. A nice decoration on the side of the plate.  We can all have a salad once in a while, but under no circumstances can it become the norm. Being well rounded men, we can date a vegetarian, even go to their restaurants (I have, they’re good) but without fail, a vegetarian diet will hold you back.  Your body may feel fine, but you’re heading down a road that leads to scented candles.  Meat can save you from this.

Man Law Number 4
Language. Now don’t get me wrong here, I like to swear. ‘Fuck’ is a fabulous word. Stub your toe, or hit your thumb with a hammer and ‘damn it’ just don’t cut it. But there are no occasions when swearing or shouting in anger at your lover, partner, or wife, is acceptable. Jokes are ok, bedroom adult play language actively encouraged, but no man should ever need to be foul and abusive to someone who is their confidant and partner. Men are stronger and in most cases larger than women, remember that and act accordingly.

Man Law number 3
Underwear.  Men, you have made it this far, and you’re still with me. You’re thinking Law 4 was way to tough, but trust me, three is tougher. Throw out all your gag pants.  Anything with a lion on the front is wrong. Having followed as far as Law 3, you will now be surrounded by the most plucked, preened, perfect creatures, your god ever created. They are dressed in something fantastic every time you visit.  They never answer the door in sweat pants and tops with pizza down the front. They’re waiting in stockings and perfect little two pieces, so the least you can do is get yourself 20 pairs of good man pants. Not posing pouches, nothing with cartoons or Star Wars characters involved.  I’m talking Calvin’s, but then only white is acceptable. Believe me, if you do get to drop them for a foxy filly, she is going to love them.  And keep them white. If they turn grey and baggy buy some more, don’t be cheap when covering your jewels.

Man Law Number 2
Driving. Of all the man laws, this is the one I still struggle with most myself.  We all need to get where we are going and the roads are ridiculous at the best of times.  But let people out.  Let children and drunks cross in front of you. Be a good Christian motorist. If someone cuts you up in a queue, remind yourself that if male, he undoubtedly has a tiny cock.  If a van sits an inch from your bumper, remind yourself that you have a supermodel at home and he is pulling his own to bang babes at midnight.  Try it. It’s liberating. You will get back all you give, think of it as the oral sex of driving: if you give, you will (hopefully) receive. 

Man Law number 1
Be a man. If you dismiss all 10 other laws and dismiss me as a crank and a tosser, I will be more than happy if you just accept Number 1. No man ever has to hit or hurt a woman.  No excuses. No level of provocation is an excuse.  If you need to hit something, go boxing, or come round mine and I will kick your pussy ass.  Being a man is brilliant.  We can scratch are balls watching TV and no one notices. We can laugh at inappropriate behaviour and no one minds. We can own tools we never use and no one thinks it weird.  But we cannot abuse our position and hurt the ones we love.  If you think that’s sissy, then fine.  Clearly you’re not a man, you’re a wife beating piece of shit.

Thank you dear reader if you made it to the bottom.  I think there are possibly 200 more man laws, all with varying degrees of importance.  Just remember, nothing is sexier or cooler than a man who is not afraid to be what his god created.
Thank you to LL for the Proof,And the inspiration

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