Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Man Law

Man law (Part 1)

Years ago the world evolved to make all people equal, all sexes, and races, and colours, and creeds, this was a good thing, a red letter day for sure,

Here it comes, But I feel we have lost are sense of manliness, we have lost who we are, such is the desire to not be offensive we are practically becoming a nation of sissy’s, its time to take back what we have lost, I have constructed a list of 11 (11 cos every list is always 10 and that’s boring) must do, need to follow new man laws, part 1 is the first and easiest to instigate, they become tougher as you go down but with each achieved your life will be full of love, happiness and you wont feel like a girl.

Man law number 11
Crying .No man can cry unless there is physical pain, or someone is dying, or being born, end of no other occasions especially not if Louis Walsh wants you to wear bacofoil and sing on TV, and never cos you have had ,or not had any sex ,man up!

Man law number 10
The flop, The drop, The slob, men its your right as a man to lye on the sofa and watch Dave, this is not a treat this is not something you fit in around trips to Ikea to look at wooden nonsense with silly names. Demand your time, even if you have seen that particular Seagal Film five times you may have missed some of the nuances in his performance another viewing is way more important to your health and happiness than a new nest of tables.

Man law number 9
Shopping, no man ever has to shop, even when you’re down to your last pair of shorts, you can get every single thing ever manufactured online, and this is where man law 10 and man law 9 merge to become a super law. your time with the sofa is actually your time to use the interweb to get everything you could ever want delivered, and make your browsing history acceptable to prying eyes.

Man law number 8
Personal grooming, increasingly I see that men are starting to use lady products, this has got to end. Just cos Gerard Butler says its ok, it aint, there is never a need for more than 2 items in a shower shampoo (any on a buy 1 get 1 free) and soap that’s it, if that’s was enough to forge an empire its enough now, and under no circumstances can you trim sideburns and beards into odd shapes, I its not 1982 and you aint in Ultravox (young people ignore that reference) .stop it your are not worth it! you’re a girl.

Man law number 7
Mobile phones, Its ok to love your gadgets, its ok to feel you cant live without your toys, but its never ok to have a A team ring tone (or any that you think makes you look witty)or a picture of the Olsen twins as wallpaper. stop it it’s a phone a picture of the missus is just about acceptable, and man music is ok for a ring tone, if you are unaware what constitutes man music then its already to late to save you, go now. Read no further, go and live the metro-sexual dream.

Man law number 6
Trophy’s ,this is where the generational gap will show, when your 18 its ok to want your girlfriend  to give you her undies as a trophy, stop it now your over 25 , you’re an adult, use the technology available, get a mms picture of her tits ,don’t be a knicker stealer. The only souvenir you need is the fact that as you’re the man that’s already half way thru this list, she loving your hunky new persona.

Part two coming soon, 
Massive Thanks to my Proof reader ,The wonderfully helpful Lara

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