tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37011235610596331642024-03-21T10:47:19.997-07:00Prattling awaywatamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-27555911867284416272012-11-14T04:42:00.000-08:002012-11-14T04:42:55.383-08:00You Sad Fucker!
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Question:When where you last happy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Recent events have made me ponder,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I am basically a
lucky jammy shit who always lands on my feet, no matter what is thrown at me I
always seem to just bounce up and carry on regardless, this makes me think, am I
lucky? or am I happy?, or am I as I believe just able to see the positive and
ignore the negative.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Either way being happy is clearly not a simple issue, money,
possession, relationships all help but sometimes the saddest people have the
most stuff, I admit I have too much, I feel I could without any issues have
allot less stuff, money, and possessions so let’s ignore them as I really don’t
think they are even a little bit important in the quest of happiness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So if it’s not money or owning every dam thing there
is, is it work? In my case no, work, since I became moderately successful had
only become less and less fun, more rewarding sometimes but certainly less fun,
when I was a YTS apprentice on shit money and doing all the crap jobs no-one
else wanted to concern themselves with I was happier in work than any
subsequent promotion and pay increase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So were left with relationships, does being happy mean
you need to be in a relationship? I am once again left thinking no, as I have
been happy in and out of relationships, casual sex with varied partners can be
just as much fun as a lasting built relationship, but I hear you cry
relationships are more than just sex, and yes I would agree, but I guarantee
the first thing to go in a failing relationship is the humping, once that’s
started to become a chore or even stops altogether then What you got?, the IKEA
Fight? The silent meal out? where all you talk about is the menu and what
you’re both having, that is not for me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So to be so bold as to answer my own question, when was
I last happy? I would say thankfully I have never been anything less than
happy, I start happy and try to always keep it that way, time does its best to
slow me down make me realise I am no longer a young man able to take on the world,
but no matter what comes my way, I refuse to believe that I am being persecuted
or being picked on ,I think I am lucky to not lack confidence but even the shy
should believe in themselves and what they do, if you no longer love your
partner? Dump them move on, don’t stay because you’re lazy or don’t want to
risk being alone, if you hate your job? Train improve learn and move on, if you
think you need a bigger house or a better holiday to be happy? then you’re an
idiot and I can’t help you, but if you believe in yourself and accept yourself
as you are then you will be happy and prosper. Always remember we aren’t here
long so why ruin it with wasting time and energy on things that make you sad,
peace out dear reader hope you don’t think me to frivolous<o:p></o:p></span></div>
watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-31440351719064774542012-07-18T07:09:00.000-07:002012-07-18T07:09:30.218-07:00<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">We’ve
hit the Bottom</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Men. Sometimes I think that what I hear and learn
cannot be true, that it cannot be this bad in this mighty country, That I need
to instruct you in the basics, but this is far too big a crisis to go
without immediate action.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was told recently a story that following
exhaustive research has proven to be factual. you as men are just not fulfilling a basic need
to keep your partner's happy,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s ok to be a leg man, boob man or even 1 of
those foot weirdo’s. But under no circumstances is it ok to neglect your duty
as a man and not bite your partner’s ass. We’re not talking cannibal flesh
ripping here just a nice nibble and a little slap. Red marks allowed, nothing
permanent remember you’re not trying to mark/brand her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This has to be addressed and addressed now. If you’re
in a relationship and allowed your stagnant lazy ass ways to get between you
and your woman.it ends tonight. Before you sit you fat ass down and watch TV,
make sure you have hoisted your woman’s skirt or dragged her jeans down and
given that ass a dam good nibbling. And under no circumstances do you ever put
the clothes back, hoist, nibble, leave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If this does not at least raise a smile then you have
got to start bringing your manliness back, you need to remember this is your
night to show your lady you’re still a man. Ravage her, ravage her long and
hard. Bang her harder than a coffin nail.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Now she is thinking oooh (insert your name) your such a
real man after all, and not a sissy girl who I can take for granted, and all of
a sudden the sex, the fun, and the sex is back, no more fiddling to bang babes
and pretending to be doing Research on your laptop when your clearly watching porn,
your future happiness depends on this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The fact that I have to tell you this just further
shows that men are losing their way and we are basically becoming a nation of
sissies. Let’s get back to being manly, Bottom Nibbling and gentle biting is a
fundamental “Man Right” do it now or forever become the downtrodden girly man
you always swore you would never be<o:p></o:p></span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-56769384654953725922012-06-08T04:33:00.000-07:002012-06-08T04:33:48.229-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iv1GO3RAANiGAdxImPOwfFoieaP_KzA9-SxXIEEyPaIonwEwT0MhmayR5eqRUlBdMQkQr-my_0jEOGuCqZDBIUOzeLc4tUegq8wq0Ba7fx1lyP10SX77SBad61nljjic1Up45ag91jwF/s1600/women-man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iv1GO3RAANiGAdxImPOwfFoieaP_KzA9-SxXIEEyPaIonwEwT0MhmayR5eqRUlBdMQkQr-my_0jEOGuCqZDBIUOzeLc4tUegq8wq0Ba7fx1lyP10SX77SBad61nljjic1Up45ag91jwF/s1600/women-man.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Women and Men and "Wangs"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">With the
aging process comes the inevitable slowing down of the libido, this is
medically proven and something we cannot do anything about, boys are at their
most potent when there about 18 women mid-twenties, is this really true? or is
it shite?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Being male I
think about sex about as often as I breath in, this is no surprise we have
spent billions of years evolving to make sure as a species we continue to thrive,
so we pretend not to be staring at your tits or in my case your ass ,but we
are, I am, he is, we all are, we wander through life and size up just about
every female we pass, we may not want to admit it but we do, men are dogs in
heat and that’s just how it is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">So what
happens will I awake one day in the not to distant future too find my "Hang Dang"no longer wants to be up, but prefers to be asleep, will it no longer like woman, will
it prefer hibernation to hide the sausage, will I need the dreaded blue pill
that saved a billion marriages, will I answer on line Viagra adds as shame would
never allow a DR to prescribe it let alone a chemist dispense it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">For me the
answer is simple, as I am fully aware I will not be long lived, I think it’s
only fair that when willy dies I go with it, brain can you here this my whole
life and future is based on the knowledge that my cock is very important to me,
so remember this brain, if you decide to starve willy of blood I will starve
you of oxygen, this pact we shall agree on, “the sword is mightier than the
Brain”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Of Course this
won’t actually happen women are brilliant, and funny, and sexy, and pretty, and
amazing, and soft, and gentle, and the only thing that keeps us men from
killing each other on a daily basis, without you we are nothing, we think we
can survive but we can’t, without the fairer sex we are just silly boys with
their silly toys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">So dear
reader do we carry on as if Sex does not make or break us? do we embrace the
inner beast?, Yes we fucking do, life is short mostly boring and mostly
pointless, none of us ever will do anything that will resonate through history,
so let’s make love, have fun, be happy and die knowing we never hurt anyone or
made to much of a mess<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">And ladies I
wish you all the luck love and life you would wish for yourselves as men we don’t
thank you enough for the bountiful gifts you bestow and we take you all for
granted<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-91012234385397792842012-05-10T02:33:00.001-07:002012-05-10T02:37:15.700-07:00<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcx19L31B5txzpcsYKjXVRBdDfEu0ETiM6U_yJlZfffJcJNCENfH-mzGnLq748FsVXOGkeORVoxpFrTfUljJlCw8Psz6AA_ADchcRnfx0FTgZ4mXYIT3Jp6w8zrAd8kCYlSxK0qAqY7uIY/s1600/Luton_fc_logo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcx19L31B5txzpcsYKjXVRBdDfEu0ETiM6U_yJlZfffJcJNCENfH-mzGnLq748FsVXOGkeORVoxpFrTfUljJlCw8Psz6AA_ADchcRnfx0FTgZ4mXYIT3Jp6w8zrAd8kCYlSxK0qAqY7uIY/s320/Luton_fc_logo.png" width="277" /></a></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Cambria;">My Life as a Luton fan</span></span></strong></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">A blog
about Football, so goodbye to 80% of you and if your still here, this is about
how following a club can be fun but also hard work.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Luton Town
go to Wembley in 10 days this is where I will be, and this is why we love
the game</span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Luton Town
is my club; anyone who follows me on Twitter will know that plus will notice I love football and sport in general</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">Why did he not take me to Arsenal</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">We begin
when as a young impressionable boy my father took me to see Luton play in the then
old first division (yes I am that old), as the youngest of 4 and with no mother
around, anytime spent with my dad was treasured, he worked all week and most weekends
to raise us and as such I was never going to say no to going spending the
occasional Saturday at the Luton ground. Growing up this was the only time I ever
heard my dad swear all swearing was strictly taboo, but soon as we entered the “Kenilworth”
it was like he became “Sweary dad” I loved it, I thought it was like being on
another planet.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">So we stood
and watched what was then unknown to me perhaps the best team ever produced by
luton ,we had England internationals we won trophy’s we played football that
even Arsenal would call flowing, back then there was no way I could see how we
would be languishing in the basement. Back then it was cool to wear a Luton
shirt, we all did I wore mine till it was see thru and smelly and still never
took it off, no kids at my school supported “Man u” or “Liverpool” there was no
need we had a great team.</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">The Dark Side</span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">To understand
what has gone so terribly wrong at Luton you need to understand the clubs
darker side,</span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">As a town
of mass immigration from every part of the world ,we attract the underclass far
right ,we have a chequered history of extremism that still today resonates thru
the world ,the EDL only last week marched thru town, even that fuckwit </span><span class="st"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Anders Breivik thinks we are a hive of villainy. You know you’re
not a good role model when psycho killers mention you in the trials. So we have
history we have an image as a flighty, scrappy, nasty bunch of cunts.this is
still no reason to be as betrayed by the football world as we were, but we do
deserve some of our reputation. I am not innocent in the history of my club, I have
been to and seen and involved myself in some of the darker side to our history.
Without knowledge of our past how can we improve and make sure we don’t repeat our
mistakes, </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Relegation</span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: white;">Luton have free fallen thru the leagues
with occasional flutters at success pretty much the whole last ten years, we
have changed hands and been ripped off by so many so called saviours that I can’t
even remember them all, all sailed in with huge promises and all sailed out
with our money falling out the back of their wallets too heavy to carry, we are
now under the chairmanship of Nick Owen who I think has of all our past chairman
been given the hardest task, the FA in there infinite wisdom decided that 10
point fine and then a 20 point fine was how best to treat us in 2008,so we
began 30 points behind all other teams and clearly no hope of avoiding
relegation, a fine that size has never been handed out before , and even now
stands as an example of the endemic hatred towards my club by the FA, Nick Owen
did not deserve to be treated like this and the FA have tried to have the whole
affair seen as an example when all football fans know it was personal. Oddly we
would have been better off if the punishment was relegation as we would have
been 1 season further forward as no club in any league would survive a minus 30
start.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The futures bright the futures Hatters</span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">So we stand 10 days from Wembley and
what could be are first step back, as a realist I doubt I shall ever see my club
play top flight football again but I do think we should be at least a first division
club, we are well placed well supported and have more history and tradition
than half the pretenders to footballs throne. Even in our piss pot division we
hold all the attendance records and are fans are true and loyal, we are the
best supported team in the Conference and hopefully we will no longer be in
that shite league after Sunday.</span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Maybe when the dust settles after the
game next week, the future may start to be a little brighter, new grounds so
long a dream, new sponsors and maybe just maybe even a few new players. Good luck
Luton I think we deserve it after all that’s been before,</span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">And let’s be clear here who in the
football world outside of York has ever heard of them, yet who has not heard of
Luton, does not remember Pleat dancing on the pitch, does not remember the plastic
pitch and does not remember being betrayed by the FA</span></span><br />
<span class="st"><span style="color: white; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> Epilogue</span></span></div>
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<span class="st"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: white;">So please feel free to comment cos
for once I will read them, yes I have glossed over our triumphs and even failed
to mention the “Johnstone Paint Trophy” but these were just polyfilla over the
cracks off my club and we are only going forward.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-50016209355477703542012-04-05T06:39:00.000-07:002012-04-05T06:39:06.616-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The Greatest Living Englishmen</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Part 2</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Here we are there is a winner and what a winner ,now don’t cheat and see who is number 1 give the rest there fair chance, we have a veritable rogues gallery to get thru before we reach the undisputed winner, with more than 90% of the votes (if I had polled it and not just decided arbitrarily) My list my rules and with that we are at number 5</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">John Terry</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">If we could include family members John Terry would be easily in the top three, he comes from a family that would shame the Jeremy Kyle show, but sadly this is all marked on his own merits, and many there are ,as an England and Chelsea captain he is undoubtedly a brilliant defender, this is not the greatness we seek, he could play at any club he wanted and be there best defender, this is still nothing to merit his place on this list,1 achievement alone stands as a beacon of light in this dark world of ours, to shag your best friends woman is so totally brilliant its beyond legend, he could have any bimbo he wanted yet chooses the lazy option ,this alone stands him out from the crowd</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Number 4: Brian Blessed</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">If your unaware just how brilliant this man is the Google him I could write 5000 words and not get close, he has seen, done and appeared in more things than all of us mere mortals combined, and done it all while being totally bonkers, he will no doubt always be remembered for a silly catchphrase from a very poor film “Gordons Alive” yet this is just the tip of this mans greatness. He is the only man I would love to have as my grandfather, he is the only famous person I follow on Twitter as he is the only famous person who is actually not a scripted Muppet. Brian please adopt me.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Number 3: You</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Every person everywhere has a moment of greatness some so great they make the news, some go entirely unnoticed, who reading this has not got a cup into a bin from 30 feet, or got away with mugging an old lady (kidding) my point is we all do great things every day we all find small moments we wish the world could have seen, this is why we are Great Britain not ok Britain we have greatness in our history and are lives ,we are fortunate enough to be born in a country that punches above its weight and lets be honest here who would ever want to be born anywhere else</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Number 2: Chris Clifford</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Only my failure to impregnate a spice girl, that's robbed me of top spot. My list my rules, you read this, surely that is enough to warrant a place in the list? So readers tutt, moan, and call me a wanker if you want, I am still greater than you.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Number 1: Ashley Cole</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">There it is the number 1, how I can hear you scream he is a tosser? I agree, he is a scumbag again no argument from me, he is the reason we all hate footballer excess, his nickname is Cashley, all the points I take but he is the one person who does what we all secretly dream of doing, he shags and ditches northern racist, he plays football for a living, he drives flash cars, has untold girlfriends. But 1 thing he did, is the 1 thing at some point every working man or woman has only dreamed of doing something that alone would make him number:1</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">He placed an Air Riffle in his car, he took said riffle out, and took it into his workplace, he then shot someone, who has not dreamed of gunning someone down at work, but being Ashley he got away with it and is still a top premiership player. Anyone other profession and instant sacking and possibly a court appearance, Ashley does what we can only dream of doing</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">As always all comments will be ignored but feel free to make them if you must <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>x</span></div>
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<br /></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-53443327985518148082012-03-21T07:35:00.000-07:002012-03-21T07:35:15.069-07:00The Greatest Living Englishman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The Greatest Living Englishmen</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Part 1</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">There are many who would say we don’t live in a time of huge achievement and this mighty country of our is not as great as it once was, this is clearly nonsense, we are living in a time when as I shall endevoir to prove that there are many truly great Englishmen, around right here right now to inspire you and to motivate you to be all you can be,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">In compiling this list I have as before made it a top 11, this is because top 10 would have excluded 1 and been boring, we have 1 comedian, 5 sportsmen, 1 politician, 1 former FIA president, an actor and an explorer and 1 that defies description, this is all based on how you define great, to me its purely on how this group make me feel I like them all clearly but dislike them as well , this is because they may stand for something I don’t, but I admire they way they stood up and were counted, even if I disagreed with there views, this list is complied in order of how I rate there greatness and how I will remember them. We begin with number 11</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">John Prescott</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">First to the politics I am not a socialist, I am not really a conservative, but I am more blue than red, this in mind more than Thatcher and Blair and all the others, Prescott is my favourite politician, his nickname was two Jags, that’s cool, he hates the aristocracy yet accepted a kinghood that is brilliant hypocrisy, but most of all when someone hit him with and egg as deputy leader of this country our number two, what did he do run? Nope he punched him square in the face, the best and truest reaction to provocation ever, no fake smile no silly pretend it never happened just chinned the mullet botherer. For this alone <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">Prescott</city></place> is a hero of mine.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Number 10:Raulph Fiennes</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes, his name alone should be enough to make this list, we just don’t appreciate a truly awesome name anymore, but his name is just the tip of the iceberg, he has done more, seen more ,blown more shit up than anyone else ever anywhere, and still manages to be a class act, he got frostbite in his fingers and rather than let them heal he cut them off with a saw in his own tool shed, this is more hard than you or I could ever be, he has ran 7 marathons in 7 days when having just had a heart bypass, this man is the hardest man on this list, that’s cool and that’s why he is here.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Number 9: Ian Botham</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Being to young to remember much about Ian from TV(yes really) I have learned to appreciate him from his commentary on sky TV and his endless charity work, Botham came from a time when you could drink and stay out and be a character, and still play sport at the highest level, his nickname was “beefy” more than implying that he was not in the best physical shape, yet he was the best in the world for years at the top level of the game, he played before helmets against some of the most fierce bowlers who have ever played, yet if the “x-factor” can be defined he had it in spades, he was popular and loved in spite of his indiscretions and that’s what we want from out sportsmen, we want to feel we could have a pint with them without the hangers on and the attitude we want to think we could maybe play them 1 day and give them a game,Botham was a people’s sportsman.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Number 8: John Cleese</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Before you think “Monty Python” or any of his work on film of TV your wrong, John Cleese is here for 2 reasons both wonderfully illustrated by theses clips</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And </span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I would be honored to have a eulogy even half as good as this when I go, and the second clip is the best swearing ever seen on celluloid ,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Forget the shitty adverts and the selling out for theses 2 moments alone John Cleese rules</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Number 7: Wayne Rooney</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Wayne Rooney is the best player we have in this country right now, he plays for the biggest club side we have and is adored by millions, this is not anything to warrant greatness, in spite of having a head like a moldy melon, he has been used as a sponsor for dam near everything, and still this is not why greatness is bestowed on him, simply he is the only man stupid enough to be considered great, his stupidity is so magnificent its almost hard to fathom how he manages to even walk upright, if he could not kick a ball he would be being used in scientific experiments, he has shown moments of such bewildering stupidity that you cant believe what you have read, but there is one moment that eclipses all that takes him to a level of true greatness, something that without bigging up to much is maybe the thickest thing any person has ever done, while still the young darling of the sporting world with the world at his feet, Mr. Rooney decided to visit a local brothel, now although I don’t condone it being young and fabulously rich must be a difficult adjustment to manage, so after servicing the lady of the house a women in her 50’s he left a signed note “saying you have just been shagged by Wayne Rooney” this alone is so fantastic its deserving of top spot, he is only this low down due to his complete and total resemblance to a potato</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Number 6: Max Mosley</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Without doubt this Max was possibly the dullest man alive until 2008, a career lawyer and politician in and around the motor sport industry, he always had the persona of a wrong-un but the guile and genuine intelligence to appear the real deal, although he was a staunch safety campaigner for cars, he had no problem taking huge sponsorship from big tobacco companies ,this is all well and good but to be remembered for true greatness you have to step away from the normal you have to go further than you or I would even consider, and Mr Mosley did just that in 2008, when men become so rich and so powerful that normal acts of depravity simply do not do it for them anymore, they push barriers so far from the normal that when caught not only do we feel it’s a bloody good laugh, you wonder if you own life needs more pep, Max decided to partake in paying several women for group sadomasochistic sex, ok that’s not so bad, but max did it while dressed as a Nazi General, when indulging in </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">sadomasochism it</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> is best to maybe leave the Nazi uniform at home if the prostitutes your using are being paid by newspapers, although he eventually won his legal battle the fact he is a “Nazi sex pest” is itself completely fantastic worthy of the greatness he has achieved.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Part 2 next week not 1 person reading this will guess who is number:1 yet I guarantee you will all agree when you read it</span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-68256226438402531752012-02-21T02:38:00.000-08:002012-02-21T02:38:16.564-08:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Firstly this Blog is not supposed to be witty, or even clever, it’s just something I think about sometimes, so leave me alone if you don’t like it</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I have skirted, danced, sashayed even with religion all my life, I find I want to believe in something but struggle to accept the ”leap of faith” </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Firstly to date I have read the nearly all the big religious faiths guide books, the Koran the Bible etc and found while all are an OK read, I never had the moment, the enlightenment that I seen happen in others ,for a short while last year when anyone asked I always answered "Hindu me a shiva are solid mates".</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">A few years back I worked with an openly honest ex junkie who was a Jehovah witness and seemed to draw allot from it, he never tried to convert me, (something I respect) but he was defiantly a better man for his conversion</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So why does none of it work on me? ,it has to be more than just the effort of going, or joining a group, fundamentally I hate all things organised, somewhere in my messed up noodle, nothing that’s structured appeals to me, the very thought of sitting in rows doing anything communal is just so far from me its oddly scary. I have this need to be distracted, its something I do actually think about allot,why is there so much to amuse me out the window? why can I not give the time to devote to a devotion,when I don't not really do much at all the rest of the time,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So I have decided for lent to give up my overly used, easily distracting, love affair with twitter, a small thing to most but I can waste most of a working day just Twatting about in the silliness of it all, and to have to leave it to fester without me is already proving tuffer than I thought it would be.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So why would a non believer need to give something up for a religion he does not believe in, well I want to hedge my bets, its that simple if I get to the end and there is something out there, at least I gave something up once, even a nonsense timewasty toy that is Twitter.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I cant give up the things I love, in no real order Women, cars, women and toys oh and I could never give up women, so twitter had to go, in a month or so I will come back and I doubt it will be any different, endless sex bots sending me endless nonsense and the odd person sending the odd thing I want to read, so see you out there soon </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">As no-one will likely read this blog, as I can’t tweet it or promote it, oh the irony! I thought I would just add, God if you do exist can do one small thing to make me believe, I just want to be 22 again for a week soon ,not got a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>firm date yet but will keep you posted, or not even a week 5 days max, thanks big man <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chris x</span></div>
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<br /></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-33082506614466506312012-02-13T03:59:00.000-08:002012-02-13T03:59:20.998-08:00Growing Up<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I love childish humour ,this is not likely to shock you dear reader ,and there is little chance anything will ever change to make me not adore a good knob gag, But r</span><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">ecent events have made me for possibly the first time ever ponder my own mortality; I have lived with the notion that I am indestructible for most my life, and as such have never cared about the passing of time, being comfortably well off and ridiculously good looking. Life has been a total blast, from leaving home at 18 to present day not one day can I hand on heart say I regret, is it luck? I don’t know, I just always seem to land on my feet,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So what’s made me ponder the passing of time well firstly the age of my friends especially new ones seem to be getting much younger, this in itself is ok but the age gap brings the inevitable reference gap, in conversation you say flock of seagulls and the “yoofs” think birds rather than odd eighties pop act, laughing at the fact the young know so little is in itself heart warming, but makes you feel old.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">This year after 2 years off the road I am taking on a few charities cycling events, in the past I used to get the bike out and within a week cover 50 miles no issue no need to train that much and with next to aches and pains, this year I have established that the body is no longer the finely tuned performance machine I once thought it was</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I have also taken up running something I have never done before although I am improving its bothering me that I am so shit at it, after a solid month of going at least 4 times a week sometimes 5 I am still huffing at 2 miles and dying by 3,when I did take the bike out last week the first thing I noticed was just how dam scary fast it is and how tiny the tyres are, where did this need for safety come from, I still drive a speedy car and drive it like I stole it. And still like to climb stuff and jump off it. but now I think about it first I have never once thought that’s to fast or that’s too dangerous, why now am I becoming a girl, what happens as you age to make you realise that you cant just piss ball about all the time and you have to take care of yourself?</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Suddenly not being the youngest in the gang has made me actually start to think 1 day, I will be a fogey its nearer than I ever thought it would be, would I go back in time and do it any different? , no way I would not change a thing, would I go back in time and be 20 again? No way. I would love to have a week there and have an enormous about of sex with 20 year old girls but I would not want to stay, so why I now feel the need to take care of myself is still lost to me, </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel the same as before I look almost as good as before, but I can say that being older has allowed me to realise that although I had a blast I don’t really want to do it again, so if I ever do invent a time machine I kind of think I will only travel forwards because looking back only makes you feel old.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I hope 2012 is the year that I may at last get married or at least engaged ,may at last become a sensible mature member of society, now all I need is someone to ask me because there’s no way I am buying a ring, well off I may be crazy I aint!</span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-62402799408474869552012-01-27T06:53:00.000-08:002012-01-27T06:53:36.278-08:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Social Networking</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am the last to admit I am wrong about anything, but for once and this is the first time this has ever happened I may have been wrong. Now anyone who knows me will by now need smelly salts, I have for years resisted social networking as a silly fad for very silly people and still believe that Facebook is shite, don’t get it, never have, never will, its shite, Myspace and all the others completely passed me by without me noticing they excisted.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But Twitter I Joined in 2009 and after a slow start , Just <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>finding it good for info and sports news , I adore it, find it the most addictive thing there is, its fun, funny and the only place where you can say anything, without feeling the need to check anyone will mind, OK in 3 years my personality on-line has changed beyond measure where I used to just try to annoy as many people as possible, now I can if feeling the love be helpful,this is partly down to allot of friends and family following and partly down to maybe starting to grow up a bit, so I cant always be to rude!</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Twitter alows you to be able to find out instantly the result of an obscure cycling race in Australia while keeping minute by minute score updates from the football and learning to cook Chinese’s food all while sitting at work to me is amazing, I have and do follow anyone who is odd, funny, obscure or just will teach me something I did not know anything about, for example a brilliant lady is tweeting me daily Chinese recipes, a tennis pro is telling me all the scores so I don’t have to suffer watching tennis, golffist are telling me what’s going on in there pointless sport, its brilliant, all messages in bite sized chunks not two long as to bore me or make me ignore them.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now for the negative, how can people follow so many people? I genuinely read all mine, if I have a holiday I miss them but otherwise read 99% of all things in my time line, I follow 120 odd people this is about 500 tweets a day, how do you read them if you follow hundreds even thousands? This question really does need answering, why follow someone you have no need or gain from?</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I follow friends weirdo’s and experts and it changes all the time, recently I stopped following a very interesting chap who taught me about websites and how to set your own up, but after 6 months he was repeating himself so dropped the bore, in a nice way but dropped nevertheless, so although I wont likely ever start my own web page its cool to no I could.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So here we are dear reader, if you read this because your one of my sexy super followers (no mingers allowed) then I hope its because you like, hate, fear or just want to follow me, not because you hope I will follow back, I do follow back if you’re a Luton fan or a friend or can teach me something but only until you bore me.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So go forth interwebbers and be interesting be crazy be random just don’t be boring, and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>please don’t just recycle jokes from other websites, if its yours or new then do it if you nicked it from somewhere credit them cos its lame to steal.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh and please feel free to dump me from your list of people you follow its not something that has or will ever bother me, the best thing the reason Twitter makes me laugh is the fact that some guy in Nova Scotia liked a random comment I made based normally on how much sugar I have consumed that day Peace out Twatters see you out there x</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-13608025701684786412012-01-10T03:28:00.000-08:002012-01-10T03:28:09.150-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">We live now with so much government be it national or local that no-one has any idea who is in charge, my town has a population of just about 205,000 and yet we have 2 MP’s, why is anyone’s guess, if we are skint and need to cut cost there is a job that can go, surely 1 town can cope with just 1 MP?</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So, here we go, I propose we create a single unit to run the country, we abolish all local government and appoint one person to run the country, we abolish the House of Lords and all parliament, we in effect appoint an emperor </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When we had a monarchy that had real power the country did very well, excluding starvation and disease of course, yet now we are slowly falling behind the rest of the world due to our need to legislate. If the Tiger economies can rule billions of people with next to no dissent from the masses, our new emperor should be able to handle 60 million.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So, where do we find this new leader, well I think it needs to be someone not scared to make decisions, able to remove themselves from the consequences of there decisions,have fabulous long flowing hair and be dashingly handsome, if I may be so bold I suggest that new emperor be me.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Wait, what makes me think I can run a country, well lets see, I would make the army the best well equipped in the world, I would make the managers of hospitals directly responsible so if someone dies of neglect or because of dirty wards they go to jail, I would throw out any sponging parasites back to where they came from.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">All hardworking people would be safe as the top end policemen of all districts would be made electable, so if your being terrorised by vacant youths and the police do nothing, then you vote them out and get someone in who will give the scumbags a good thrashing.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">On crime, I would make the victim or victims family able to set the punishment for the guilty, so if you’re a bleeding heart liberal you can let the scumbag who mugged you go with a nice warning and some community service, but if you want him put in stocks and battered about a bit then that’s good too, does anyone really think if the recent rioters had known a day in the stocks was the punishment they would have been so quick to steal some trainers?</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Victorian, right wing all this may be but it would work, we allow council offices to be filled with career carers who pass files around and allow there cases to die yet never visit the person its about, they profess to be swamped with paperwork, well if the child dies the social worker goes to jail. Bet they suddenly get up and get on with it then,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The compensation culture that’s crippling any public service would be removed, if you have an accident then its just that an accident, get up get on and stop whining, if someone wrongs you then they go to prison, no one needs to give you money.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Sure there are going to be teething problems, where will the money come from etc, well when we have a functioning utopia, zero crime, good health, pensioners respected and cared for, money will not be an issue, companies and individuals will flock to be part of this, suddenly Britain will once again be the hub of the empire.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So, in conclusion make me emperor, give me 5 years, if nothing improves I will gladly stand down, as by then I would have embezzled so much money I will want to naff off to a nice island in the Caribbean, and be surrounded by floozies and flunkies, and I bet you in 5 years I will get more done than any leader in the history of the UK, Churchill, will be a distant memory next to my achievements,let my Dynasty begin!</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">thanks Poo's for the edit </span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-18291445894346547352012-01-05T04:21:00.000-08:002012-01-05T04:21:26.081-08:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Grammar Nerds</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Because of English word’s like <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">there</span>, <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">their</span> and <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">they're and the never used correctly </span>apostrophe ,</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">the new most pathetic nerds and sudo-interlectuals, have taken it upon themselves to educate all who care to listen on how they should have used “their” or the apostrophe goes at the end, this ends now. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I am telling you this is now not acceptable you need to allow language to evolve to change and to addapt,surely you cant be that dull that you care to correct other people’s accounts of things?</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">If language, spelling and grammar never evolved we would all still use ye instead of the, and Shakespeare would be worth reading.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">If he was about today he would use text speak to appeal to the masses, He would use abbreviation and slang, its not dumping down its evolution; you are of course welcome to use any language to describe any events but to belittle others because there punctuation is wrong is pointless and makes you look a dick.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Anyone taking the time to write something down even a “tweet” has merit, it belongs to its time and its place, history may not remember the message but history will remember twitter. even if we look back and say what where they thinking to bother with that, so leave it alone, no one will ever want to have sex with you or find you funny or even want to meet you if your so boring.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Maybe you can take your new ambivalence to trivial matters and actually become interesting, maybe you can devote time to being a productive member of society rather than a grammar nerd, and then maybe you will get a girlfriend and have some sex or maybe even make a friend</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Go forth ex members of the grammar police, stop playing dungeons and dragons and squire yourself a tasty bit of fanny</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">And I have not checked any of the above for spelling or grammar as it made sense, so proves my point, or not disagree its what language is all about, just don’t mail me I wont read it co’s your clearly a bore.</span></div>
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<br /></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-67007358666705896722011-12-05T02:38:00.001-08:002011-12-05T02:40:40.590-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">My best idea in years</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Being someone who can spend entire days with nothing more taxing falling thru my brain than ,did I get enough ice cream as cant be arsed to cook tonight, I am not a deep thinker, I have so many pointless nonsense ideas about nearly all things that I decided ages ago not to voice them all verbally, Twitter allows me to post about 10 % of my crazy just enough to not scare to many people, and make me look mental, so I have invented things that no one would ever want or buy, and spent days fiddling with silly contraptions that don’t help in any way yet amuse the hell out of me,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Then every now and then I have a doosey a proper good idea ,some real left field thinking that is so bizarre its got legs walks and shits out its own brilliant ideas, </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So I am pondering life the universe and everything ,and it hit me, we have melting north polar ice caps, and a dwindling polar bear population, as food and distance is killing them off, so here’s the thought, move them lock stock and barrel to the south pole, masses more food to eat ,expanding ice shelf that will allow them to roam and have vast territory’s they hibernate all through the worst of the weather so the penguins still bread and flourish and likely hardly ever meet, plus the penguins need there numbers trimming as they are wiping out huge fish stocks,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Ok I am sure this may shock you as it does me, But and in a JLO styley it’s a big But, this would ensure the species survived, and how is a penguin any less cute than a baby seal and we happily let them eat them ,so lets expand this idea, massive parts of north America are uninhabited and climate wise stable, lets move African endangered species, set up rhino sanctuaries it cant be that hard ,we happily waste millions keeping the giant panda alive thru artificial insemination etc ,just cos it looks cute, lets save some of the more killer exciting animals with the same gusto</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Now your thinking all good, I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>see your point of view(or more likely don’t) but how are we going to fund this its not like we can fly them on easy jet, well I have covered that two, we make them pay there own way, there are thousands of very rich very evil people with far to much money, we allow, after the animals are thriving and safe from extinction to hunt and have them for there supper, admit it rich weirdo’s love to shoot shit up, especially rich Americans, they can brag they have Polar bear for there barbe, it would be a smash hit, explore the wilderness of the south pole and shoot bears, its bound to be a success , thousands signed up to commercial space flights and the planes are not of the drawing boards yet, we can get the money. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So who is with me, great idea or utter nonsense, time will tell, I think in 20 or 30 years time this idea wont seem so far out.</span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-88679726063813439342011-11-11T05:07:00.001-08:002011-11-11T05:11:17.949-08:00The Real Evil That Lurks Amongst Us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEg26kbklxfH6gOYWWkxLmDXhmfRVot4PF73UfLgFPrl03l3LxJgtznPkqzsnmcxLJSRn6l0SiHjmjInHXgVki_THlLc-rlK0mt_IEKiTUp5HIV3B_oCNHhJsrlJvt-DVWxtnsiqirlrfA/s1600/ORANGE%252520LEMON%252520LIME.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEg26kbklxfH6gOYWWkxLmDXhmfRVot4PF73UfLgFPrl03l3LxJgtznPkqzsnmcxLJSRn6l0SiHjmjInHXgVki_THlLc-rlK0mt_IEKiTUp5HIV3B_oCNHhJsrlJvt-DVWxtnsiqirlrfA/s1600/ORANGE%252520LEMON%252520LIME.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The Citrus axis of Evil</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">First there was Iran, Iraq and North Korea. Now we have oranges, lemons and limes, the new and far deadlier axes of evil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have allowed these cutesy colourful balls of evil to infiltrate our lives. We start with the orange, the least offensive entry level fruit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s harmless and nice and great squeezed for a refreshing breakfast beverage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But beware, it’s the marijuana of the drugs game, it’s there to seduce you into the citrus trap, once your groomed on oranges you move to the real evil the crack cocaine of fruits: the lemon.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">In 1997, Jamie Oliver was featured in a television documentary about the River Café. Soon after the documentary was aired, Jamie was offered his own television show and The Naked Chef was born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that precise moment in time, Lemification began.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">With Tony Blair being elected Prime Minister, the final nail was driven into the coffin of this country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suddenly, talking and acting like a degenerate illiterate yob, was seen as cool. We all decided that we needed to use lemons in every single thing we cooked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We raised children to only eat bitter nasty grub, because gobshite chefs said it ”cuts through the other flavours”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, it makes every dam thing you eat taste exactly the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So to counter this, every lazy good for nothing on the social, who couldn’t afford endless lemons, all trotted to the local fast food joints and got fat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>American fat, so fat that now these ‘restaurants’ are all drive through because the chunky can’t even walk. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">Now we have armies of jumpsuit stretching socially inept thugs, who think its ok to riot if a criminal is shot. And whilst we sit back and tut, the Lemification continues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These books of recipes still fly of the shelves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What new stuff do you need to read?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take veg, place on tray, cover in lemon, bake, eat, wonder why it tastes fucking horrid, go riot!</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">It’s happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the only solution is to demand your food tastes of food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Demand that we will not put lemon in coke or any other beverage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Coke has existed as a perfectly refreshing drink since the 1940’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At no point did anyone say this needs a slice of citrus. Stop it.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">Just de-lemificate and we will once again walk in our streets safe and sound.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">As bad as everything smelling tasting and covered in lemon is, we move on to the lime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The silent sneaky assassin of the fruit game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sits there all green and shiny, yet all the time directing the others to attack, rarely seen out, rarely seen bought by anyone sensible yet the true kingpin, the boss, is never caught yet controls all. How else would we think something so clearly unripe is a good accompaniment to anything?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lime is the real power behind the lemons throne.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">Go forth mighty Britain, remove citrus from your lives and once again sing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Land of Hope and Glory</i>, take your sword of burning gold, your arrows of desire and once again feel proud to be British.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-size: 8.5pt;">Thank you LL as always for the honest review and spell checking,</span></div>
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<br /></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-50802252213250923922011-10-24T01:05:00.000-07:002011-10-24T01:05:05.502-07:00Man Law Part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMbvilvRNo0OtITlT3WbW3UAzoKb8x79MWXwY4L7vHIZHrE3UUp4IIDgnqxLDqUxdDYmCs0suqro-jMoBd7pHoIrWJVGA_uqDyz7M-02fq0Uv7hC5MNHGzdRtQXRmtRwQILq-9qlFVHhbO/s1600/Caveman1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" rda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMbvilvRNo0OtITlT3WbW3UAzoKb8x79MWXwY4L7vHIZHrE3UUp4IIDgnqxLDqUxdDYmCs0suqro-jMoBd7pHoIrWJVGA_uqDyz7M-02fq0Uv7hC5MNHGzdRtQXRmtRwQILq-9qlFVHhbO/s320/Caveman1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So, you’re half way through your education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re feeling good, women are noticing you and finding you way more interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could stop now, you would still be a far better man than you were, but a real man needs to finish the final five steps to achieve Mantopia. It’s hard as it gets and getting progressively harder. And so we begin, with number five. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man Law Number 5</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Meat. Nothing at all can replace meat from a man’s diet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Salad is a garnish. A nice decoration on the side of the plate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can all have a salad once in a while, but under no circumstances can it become the norm. Being well rounded men, we can date a vegetarian, even go to their restaurants (I have, they’re good) but without fail, a vegetarian diet will hold you back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your body may feel fine, but you’re heading down a road that leads to scented candles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meat can save you from this.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man Law Number 4</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Language. Now don’t get me wrong here, I like to swear. ‘Fuck’ is a fabulous word. Stub your toe, or hit your thumb with a hammer and ‘damn it’ just don’t cut it. But there are no occasions when swearing or shouting in anger at your lover, partner, or wife, is acceptable. Jokes are ok, bedroom adult play language actively encouraged, but no man should ever need to be foul and abusive to someone who is their confidant and partner. Men are stronger and in most cases larger than women, remember that and act accordingly. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man Law number 3</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Underwear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Men, you have made it this far, and you’re still with me. You’re thinking Law 4 was way to tough, but trust me, three is tougher. Throw out all your gag pants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything with a lion on the front is wrong. Having followed as far as Law 3, you will now be surrounded by the most plucked, preened, perfect creatures, your god ever created. They are dressed in something fantastic every time you visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They never answer the door in sweat pants and tops with pizza down the front. They’re waiting in stockings and perfect little two pieces, so the least you can do is get yourself 20 pairs of good man pants. Not posing pouches, nothing with cartoons or Star Wars characters involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m talking Calvin’s, but then only white is acceptable. Believe me, if you do get to drop them for a foxy filly, she is going to love them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And keep them white. If they turn grey and baggy buy some more, don’t be cheap when covering your jewels.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man Law Number 2</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Driving. Of all the man laws, this is the one I still struggle with most myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all need to get where we are going and the roads are ridiculous at the best of times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But let people out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let children and drunks cross in front of you. Be a good Christian motorist. If someone cuts you up in a queue, remind yourself that if male, he undoubtedly has a tiny cock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a van sits an inch from your bumper, remind yourself that you have a supermodel at home and he is pulling his own to bang babes at midnight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try it. It’s liberating. You will get back all you give, think of it as the oral sex of driving: if you give, you will (hopefully) receive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man Law number 1</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Be a man. If you dismiss all 10 other laws and dismiss me as a crank and a tosser, I will be more than happy if you just accept Number 1. No man ever has to hit or hurt a woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No excuses. No level of provocation is an excuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you need to hit something, go boxing, or come round mine and I will kick your pussy ass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a man is brilliant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can scratch are balls watching TV and no one notices. We can laugh at inappropriate behaviour and no one minds. We can own tools we never use and no one thinks it weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we cannot abuse our position and hurt the ones we love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you think that’s sissy, then fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly you’re not a man, you’re a wife beating piece of shit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Thank you dear reader if you made it to the bottom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think there are possibly 200 more man laws, all with varying degrees of importance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just remember, nothing is sexier or cooler than a man who is not afraid to be what his god created.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Thank you to LL for the Proof,And the inspiration</span></div>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3701123561059633164.post-86249552029558137902011-10-12T04:23:00.000-07:002011-10-12T04:23:17.650-07:00Man Law<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law (Part 1)</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Years ago the world evolved to make all people equal, all sexes, and races, and colours, and creeds, this was a good thing, a red letter day for sure,</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Here it comes, But I feel we have lost are sense of manliness, we have lost who we are, such is the desire to not be offensive we are practically becoming a nation of sissy’s, its time to take back what we have lost, I have constructed a list of 11 (11 cos every list is always 10 and that’s boring) must do, need to follow new man laws, part 1 is the first and easiest to instigate, they become tougher as you go down but with each achieved your life will be full of love, happiness and you wont feel like a girl.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law number 11</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Crying .No man can cry unless there is physical pain, or someone is dying, or being born, end of no other occasions especially not if Louis Walsh wants you to wear bacofoil and sing on TV, and never cos you have had ,or not had any sex ,man up!</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law number 10</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The flop, The drop, The slob, men its your right as a man to lye on the sofa and watch Dave, this is not a treat this is not something you fit in around trips to Ikea to look at wooden nonsense with silly names. Demand your time, even if you have seen that particular Seagal Film five times you may have missed some of the nuances in his performance another viewing is way more important to your health and happiness than a new nest of tables.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law number 9</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Shopping, no man ever has to shop, even when you’re down to your last pair of shorts, you can get every single thing ever manufactured online, and this is where man law 10 and man law 9 merge to become a super law. your time with the sofa is actually your time to use the interweb to get everything you could ever want delivered, and make your browsing history acceptable to prying eyes.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law number 8</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Personal grooming, increasingly I see that men are starting to use lady products, this has got to end. Just cos Gerard Butler says its ok, it aint, there is never a need for more than 2 items in a shower shampoo (any on a buy 1 get 1 free) and soap that’s it, if that’s was enough to forge an empire its enough now, and under no circumstances can you trim sideburns and beards into odd shapes, I its not 1982 and you aint in Ultravox (young people ignore that reference) .stop it your are not worth it! you’re a girl.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law number 7 </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Mobile phones, Its ok to love your gadgets, its ok to feel you cant live without your toys, but its never ok to have a A team ring tone (or any that you think makes you look witty)or a picture of the Olsen twins as wallpaper. stop it it’s a phone a picture of the missus is just about acceptable, and man music is ok for a ring tone, if you are unaware what constitutes man music then its already to late to save you, go now. Read no further, go and live the metro-sexual dream.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man law number 6</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Trophy’s ,this is where the generational gap will show, when your 18 its ok to want your girlfriend <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to give you her undies as a trophy, stop it now your over 25 , you’re an adult, use the technology available, get a mms picture of her tits ,don’t be a knicker stealer. The only souvenir you need is the fact that as you’re the man that’s already half way thru this list, she loving your hunky new persona.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Part two coming soon, </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Massive Thanks to my Proof reader ,The wonderfully helpful Lara</span></div>
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</span>watamoterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06496051936068649857noreply@blogger.com0